rotten apples

l-to-r: bethenny, luann, jill, kelly, ramona, alex

As of last night, I’m proud to say I’ve finally caught up on my TiVoed shows.  My TiVo slate is now sparkling clean.  Impressed?  Ya oughta be.  Friends, there was alot in my ‘Now Playing List’.  It was shameful. You’d think I had no life.

Shush now.

And, well … in all honesty I didn’t actually watch all the shows I’d TiVoed so voiding out the list wasn’t tremendously difficult.  There was a little sumpin-sumpin going on with that ‘delete’ button too.  I mean really.  I sincerely have to question where my head was at when I TiVoed  ‘The History of … Pizza’.  Better yet, I’d also TiVoed ‘The History of … Peanuts‘ … and actually watched it.

Hmmm.  Yeah.  Weird, I know.

Anyhooo.  With all the Facebook chatter about the ‘Real Housewives of New York City’, this week’s episode was tops on my list of one more way in which I could waste an hour of my life that I’ll never get back.

Wow.

What an episode.  The New York bunch officially made the ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’ look like a walk in Fairy Dust Park.  Dadgum, what a bunch of … can we get real here? … awful, nasty, bitchy women.  Me-ow. 

separated at birth

separated at birth

For starters I loathe Ramona.  Did I mention loathe?  I do.  Even if you could discount the fact she’s incredibly disingenous, her wild-eyed expressions are just flat-out freaky.  I swear I feel like pausing my TiVo, getting out the good ol’ Scotch tape and sealing down her eyelids.  Stop staring like that. C’mon.  The resemblance between Ramona and the ‘Madagascar’ lemurs is uncanny.

This climax of this week’s episode was the cat fight between Kelly, the former model, and Bethenny, the natural food chef.  Sadly, when I first ‘met’ Kelly … yes, I do realize she lives in TV land … geesh  … I actually liked her.  While I didn’t think she was the stunning beauty she was purported to be, she does have a natural sense of attractiveness about her.  And any girl that can go on national TV without make-up … well gals, she’s okay in my book. 

Initially, Kelly seemed like a down-to-earth kinda girl.  In a past episode she whipped up some healthy little lunch with Sam, one of the chefs from a past season of ‘Top Chef’, for her well-behaved, not-an-ounce-of-snottiness-in-them daughters. It was cute.  Seemed ‘real’ enough.

But.

Since I brought up ‘Top Chef’, I’m now going to veer off course for a moment.   I have to ask the burning question … did y’all notice that the appearance of Chef Sam marked at least the third time in ‘Real Housewife’ history that a character from another BRAVO show popped in?

In ‘Orange County’  who should appear but Brian Malarkey of ‘Top Chef’, Season 3 who did his cookin’ thang for Tamara and Simon’s dinner party.  Then in an episode from ‘Atlanta’, Sheree had a little tete-a-tete with Brian Knight, ex-contestant from Project Runway, over her budding flopping fashion business.

Did y’all catch it?!

Okay.  Back to our story already in progress.

So in this week’s episode of the ‘Real Housewives of New York City’, Kelly, who’s more-than-a-bit miffed at Bethenny for an off-handed comment at a mutual charity planning meeting, arranges to meet Bethenny for an ambush drink at a NYC bar to have a little beat down discussion about said slight.  She tells Bethenny 7:00 pm.  Kelly then shows up 30 minutes late.  Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.  My goodness.

Throughout the discourse that followed, I have to give major kudos to Bethenny for holding her tongue and actually being the class act.  Kelly gives her this ‘I’m up here … you’re down here and never-the-twain-shall-meet’ speech … ‘we are so not friends,’  … blah blah blah … insert jaw-cracking yawn.  I’m sure at that point Bethenny was probably thinking thank you, Jesus, for small favors.  ‘We are so not friends?’  Bless you.

And then when Kelly couldn’t elicit some sort of explosive response from Bethenny, she planted her pink rubber boots on the floor and harumphed she had to go.  They met up again moments later as Bethenny left the bar, at which time Kelly started rambling again, gave her a weird cackle laugh, and told her she couldn’t ‘deal with her’ … she was ‘just crazy’.  My.  Oh my.  Pot calling the kettle black, methinks. 

The one-liner I loved best came from my girl, Bethenny.  Kelly is frumping away for the second time dismissing Bethenny by saying ‘I gotta go … I’m meeting my date.’  To which Bethenny responds, ‘You mean your imaginary boyfriend.’

Heh. heh. heh.

Sprinkle in a little Alex-the-Scarecrow and Simon-the-Human-Hairball and the heated discussion between the socialite wanna-be’s and Ramona (my gawd, things look so much bigger with my eyes opened to the size of saucers) and her creepy-ass husband, Mario and you’ve got quite a little reality show there. 

Although why do they call him Mare-ee-oh?   Too many tennis balls to the head, perhaps.

But even more importantly, why would Ramona care if Alex posed topless and didn’t tell her and Mare-ee-oh before the photos were published?  Inquiring minds … nah … we don’t really wanna know.

And finally … don’t y’all get me started on the new wallpaper in Jill’s Upper East Side apartment.  Can y’all say, hideous?  Like, ohmygawd-you’ve-got-to-get-off-the-herion hideous.  Maybe Ramona looked at it.  Yeah.  Maybe.

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One thought on “rotten apples

  1. LOVED this blog! You are spot on in all of your descriptions of the “cough cough” ladies. As much as I love Jill, I hate how she pronounces Mario’s name too! These ladies need to get over themselves. Next week looks great!

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