let me ‘splain

this is how you find me

this is how you find me

My goodness.  Sometimes blogging is amusing to the inth degree.  Conversely, maybe I’m just overly tired this evening and getting a wee bit on the punchy side.  I logged into WordPress to do some tidying up of my blog and while mucking about, I checked the statistics for ‘Top Searches’.

I’m sorry.  But folks. 

When did I ever mention ‘wife hooks up with stud’ in my blogging?

I mean, REALLY.

I may have thought it.  But never once did I put it in writing.

NOT ONCE.

Well.  Unless, of course, Russell Crowe is leaking our love letters to the press.

Shameful, Russ … ya big stud, you.

Anyhoo. 

James Frain as Thomas Cromwell, The Tudors.  The ultimate poster child for Bad Handler of Said King.

James Frain as Thomas Cromwell, 'The Tudors'. The ultimate poster child for 'Bad Handler of Said King'.

Since the phrase ‘I am not well handled’ has risen repeatedly (read:  daily) as a top search phrase that leads visitors to my blog I feel a sense of obligation to further ‘splain it.

‘I am not well handled’ was a phrase spoken … or screamed in the face of … Thomas Cromwell by Henry VIII regarding the Anne of Cleves’ debacle.   It was also used …  historically intact … in an episode of Showtime’s ‘The Tudors’.  I’m going to take an educated guess and assume that’s why it keeps showing up in the searches.

Lots of people must be watching ‘The Tudors’. 

Alert the media.  Showtime should be overjoyed with the news.

So.  Long story short.

Henry was bethrothed to be married to Anne of Cleves whom he liked ‘not much’.  Make that … liked VERY, VERY NOT MUCH.  Thomas Cromwell, Henry’s Chief Minister, orchestrated the betrothal of Henry and Anne of Cleves, bringing her to court as Henry’s intended fourth wife, sight unseen. 

On a random side note, I often wonder if there was a point that Cromwell himself thought he might be a bit out over his skis on this one?

Umm. Yeah.

So.  No one is permitted to see Anne of Cleves until she arrives on English soil.  And then she wears a veil.  I don’t know.  Methinks that would be a ginormous red flag.

And as we all know from numerous historical accounts,  Henry was on the south side of apalled with what he saw … and apparently, so the story goes, smelled …  Anne.

Henry went on a tirade in which he uttered the infamous words, ‘I am not well handled!’ to his Chief Minister. 

Meaning. 

Cromwell, ya coconut, ya really screwed up this one.  I trusted you.  You were to bring me a royal beauty.  You brought me the ‘Flanders mare’.  Y’all are so gonna get fired.  Or executed. 

Simple translation:  Cromwell did not perform his duties to the king’s satisfaction.  Henry felt he was not ‘well handled’.

And yes.  Eventually, Cromwell was executed by the king. 

I’m surprised Cromwell’s last words to the king before he lost his melon were not,
‘I am not well handled!’

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