can’t find a better man

Everything we do, we do for the kids.

Jon & Kate Gosselin

Jon Gosselin moving on on with his life.  3-1/2 weeks after they filed for divorce.  I am his biggest fan.

Jon Gosselin 'moving on' on with his life a mere 3-1/2 weeks after he and Kate filed for divorce. I am his biggest fan. I knew I couldn't say that and pull a straight face. Sorry.

 

I would pay a million bucks to get my paws on the J&K Gosselin’s Official Dictionary to see their definition of ‘everything?’  

Clarification.  If I had a million bucks

I’m quite certain I don’t have enough offspring nor drama in my life to warrant my own television series, so unfortunately I haven’t yet accumulated that much cabbage. 

For my kids, of course.

Okay.

I realize I previously stated I wasn’t going to ruminate further about Jon & Kate Plus 8 because I deemed them to just be Tedious and Tiresome News.  

I lied.  I humbly beg your forgiveness.

But.  Y’all know they just just had to go and get my back up again. 

So. 

This blog is being brought to you courtesy of Jon Gosselin and
I Am a Waste of Good Skin Enterprises.

The last Jon & Kate Plus 8 episode I endured was the Divorce Announcement a few weeks ago.  At that time, Kate commented in a solo  interview that she couldn’t get Jon to communicate and that … along with a troublesome myriad of other undisclosed issues … was the reason she was filing for divorce.  

At that revelation, I quirked an eyebrow in the general direction of the television screen.  Well.  As best as I could since I can’t really quirk an eyebrow.  I hear twitches and contortions like that are hereditary, and I don’t believe anyone in my family can raise one eyebrow without hitching up the other.

ANYWAY.

Along with the pretend raising of said eyebrow, I immediately thought well maybe he tried to talk to her and maybe … just MAYBE … she was being Typical Mean Ol’ Kate and when he asked the question ‘Can we talk?’ she smacked his cheek and sent him off on an errand.  On foot.  Ten miles away with instructions he’d better get there and back in five minutes or he’d see what a real beating was all about.

But, honestly.  Gosh.  She looked so forlorn when she said it I’ll shamefully admit it became one of those fleeting moments where I actually felt a wee bit o’sympathy for Mrs. Gosselin.  Cause she wasn’t being Mean Ol’ Kate.  She was bein’ real. And she seems much nicer when she’s bein’ real.

I know. It’s a ruse.

But.

I’d also be lying if I told you I wasn’t feeling mighty bad for Jon too.  See?  It was a terrible quandary for me and those Television People.

Poor Jon was sitting there, all slouched down, alone and teary eyed as he spoke about the demise of his family.  However.  As the interview progressed … ironically …. he started to just flat-out piss me off

I’m sure not knowing me personally, that wasn’t truly his intent.  But.  I give him kudos.  He succeeded in brilliant fashion.

The point in the interview when Jon made an angry, bitter comment about how the media twists everything to be something 180 degrees from the truth … I’m paraphrasing.  Please don’t try and look up that quote because you won’t find it.  

This is Lisa’s Recall and Opinion on Things. 

So.

When Jon went on to say they can’t live a ‘normal’ life because of all the paparazzi, I wanted to give him a Good-and-Hard Kate Gosselin Smack ™.  Or a really solid, well-aimed wooden baseball bat swat to the forehead.   I swear, I’d have knocked those free hair plugs right out of his pointed head.

My jaw dropped.  Yeah. I can do that for real.  Jaw dropping apparently is not hereditary as most people I know can do it.

But.

At that point I had to seriously ponder if Jon was living in some parallel universe or had some yet-undisclosed mental impediment that he couldn’t rationally connect the dots.  For goodness sake, talk about being a Ginormous Hypocrite, Mr. Jon Gosselin.  The media attention and the show is exactly why you earn the Big Bucks.  And the too-numerous-to count Big Vacations.  And the Really Large Ritchie Rich Mansion.  And why you live the opulent, I-Don’t-Even-Have-to-Work-Now life.

DAMNALLTHATMEDIAATTENTION.

And it’s refreshing to see that y’all stood your ground and backed all that media-hatin’ rhetoric by cancelling your show so to get back to some semblence of a normal life.

Because I know y’all do everything for the kids.

Folks, please keep that point-of-fact in mind as we continue.

So.

This week the supermarket tabloids boldly presented Exhibit ‘A’ revealing Jon Gosselin … after a lengthy separation consisting of a smidge less than four weeks … and his new-new girlfriend, 23-year old Hailey Glassman lounging about the French Riveria.   I’m not sure what happened to Deanna Hummel who was the alleged girlfriend who broke the camel’s back a few months ago.   Maybe she’s glad she got away.

Someone should ask her that, ya know?

Oh.  And for the record.  Hailey, current girlfriend, is the daughter of Kate’s plastic surgeon who performed her tummy tuck. 

I mean, really.  I defy you to find a more upstanding guy that Jon Gosselin.

Playah.

In his defense, Jon was quoted as saying that he had to ‘get on with his life’.  And really.  Who could deny a 34-year old still-married father of 8 cherubs the opportunity to get on with his life globe-hopping with a 23-year old party gal courtesy of The Gosselin Children’s Bankroll? 

Y’all are so harsh.  Geesh.

Especially, when he said he … and this is a direct quote … ‘thought about his kids every ten minutes or so while he was there’.  And.  Told a funny little tale about how Maddy, one of the older children, thought he was in Canada instead of the French Riveria.  Oh my gosh, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at the Cute Things Kids Say.

Hailey Glassman, complete with brilliantly classy friends and a weed pipe (note left hand).

Hailey Glassman, complete with brilliantly classy friends and a weed pipe (note left hand).

Hardee har har.

UTTERLYTRAGIC.

And if you take a gander at the photo stage right, y’all sleep easy tonight once you see that  Jon picked only the creme-de-la-creme when he decided to ditch his wife and 8 children.  I hereby dub this A Match Made in Heaven.
Further.
I read today that Jon is buying a Manhattan penthouse.  As in New York.  As in 140 miles away from his children in Pennsylvania.  With their money.  From the show about them. 
I see. 
Everything they do is for the children.
Cause they got mad parenting skillz.
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One thought on “can’t find a better man

  1. I wonder how either of them are going to maintain their respective life-styles, i.e. globe-trotting cradle-robbing playboy and mansion-for-the-kids (her), when the money dries up.

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