messin’ with sasquatch

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem. It’s not the photographer’s fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that’s extra scary to me. There’s a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he’s fuzzy! Let’s get out of here!  

~Comedian Mitch Hedberg~ 

I cannot make this stuff up.

From the time I was about 11 years old, I’ve been terribly fascinated with monsters.  Or more precisely Creatures That No One Knows About (Yet) versus the ones lurking beneath my childhood bed.  The Under-the-Bed Monsters elicited an entirely different response for me. 

However, the fascination with unknown creatures came from the time I checked out a book on the Loch Ness Monster from the school library.  

It was all downhill from there. 

I gobbled up that book then trekked to the public library and checked out all their Nessie books.  Because y’all know the library is way more accommodating in that they let you check out more than one book at a time.  For Pete’s sake, who reads only one book at a time?  Life is short, folks.  

Damn those stingy school libraries to hell. 

When I read all I could on the Loch Ness monster, I moved onto Bigfoot aka Sasquatch aka Yeti aka Abominable Snowman aka … okay, y’all get it. 

And Bigfoot?  Well Bigfoot became my Main Fascination which remains with me to this day.  Imagine my glee when the History Channel made the decision to add ‘Monsterquest’ to their already-intriguing cable line-up.  And.  Even better, they’ve done several episodes now searching for the elusive Sasquatch. 

Who has a better life than yours truly? I mean really. 

So. 

Sure looks like a big ol' Sasquatch to me.

This week’s episode of ‘Monsterquest’ featured the ‘Hillbilly Monster’ from Kentucky aka the Yeti’s Southern Relatives.  Part of the episode focused on identifying a captivating creature that was photographed in the Autumn of 2009 on the outskirts of a garden in Louisville, Kentucky.  The landowner, thoroughly annoyed by critters eating goodies from his plot, decided to set up a motion-sensor camera to catch the culprits.  

Why look.  Deer.  Raccoons.  Birds.  

SASQUATCH. 

The resulting photograph and story was titillating enough to be reported on CNN.com. 

WAYBIGNEWS. 

Now.  

I have a love-slash-hate relationship with ‘Monsterquest’.  Because while I dig all the time and effort they put into searching for the truth, I always feel that disappointing harumph of let down when those 57 minutes of edited research end in failure.  And folks, the verdict in this particular investigation was utterly distressing. 

Y’all show me the photo above and I totally see Sasquatch. Or conversely, a gorilla.  Neither of which I’d want to find prancing around in the vicinity of my vegetable garden.  

The ‘Monsterquest’ team … disgressing here, but how do you get such a cool, paying job like that?  

Anyhoo.  

To root out the truth, the ‘Monsterquest’ team had the photographer’s son recreate the scene of the crime with an outstretched tape measure.  This allowed the photo analyst to overlay that photo of the ‘known’ with the Sasquatch photo.

Messin' with Sasquatch

TOTALLY DEBUNKED. 

This last photo is not for faint-hearted Sasquatch seeker. 

You’ve been forewarned. 

I really think there oughta be a law against CROWS IMPERSONATING SASQUATCH. 

It just seems so … WRONG.

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