Whilst browsing through Pier 1 Imports the other day I came across some awfully charming, what I would call but certainly not officially called, Genie Lamps. And as my mind is wont to do, when I left the store (sans the aforementioned bric-a-brac) I ruminated ‘What would I ask for if I had my very own Genie Lamp and the opportunity for three wishes?’ Ummm. Evidence of exactly why ‘shopping’ and ‘Lisa’ are not One With the Universe.
I THINK IT’S CALLED IN-ABILITY TO FOCUS.
So. I discarded my first wish notion, although not without some angst, that I would hook up with Russell Crowe. Because, well, I mean really. Maybe all the tabloids are right and he’s just a big mean guy with a penchant for throwing phones at people who sit on his last nerve?
WHAT A WASTED WISH THAT WOULD BE,
Then, because I tend to always err on the side of practicality, I made a mental list. Well. I would have written it down, but folks, I was driving home from Pier 1 and if y’all can’t text while operating a motor vehicle, writing with a pen and paper probably isn’t too brilliant either.
I would wish … that I could be more spontaneous. That while I find a un-explainable sense of serentity in organization and planning and things being in direct order, sometimes … maybe once or twice or ten times in my life … I’d love to just do something on a whim. How exhilirating would that be?
OR CONVERSELY, VERY FRIGHTENING.
Umm. Inner Self, please contain yourself for a few. Okay?
I would wish … that I spent less time doing things I ‘had’ to do and more times doing things that are meaningless. I have a difficult time even sitting through a television show if there’s an un-done task that requires attention. Yes, I know. There’s something really, really wrong with that. I think I held my breath too many times when I was young and damaged something in my noggin.
JUST LIKE MY MOM SAID I WOULD.
I would wish … that I was an exercise fanatic. Okay. That would imply I like to exercise at all and that it would merely take some infintismal step to become a ‘fanatic’. Let me rephrase. I wish I enjoyed exercising.
I would wish … that I was bohemian.
Okay. I so deeply admire women who live life freely, comfortable in their own skin. Who wear flow-y cotton dresses and don’t feel compelled to actually iron them. Whose skin requires no artificial enhancement (i.e. the world of Mary Kay) or whose hair can be washed, fluffed and sexy without any counterfeit products (i.e. hairspray, specifically Sebastian Shaper). Who are gentle and kind hearted and wise. And most importantly, would never spin through a drive-thru or feed their family things from styrofoam packaging.
I THINK YOU GET THE PICTURE. I’M JUST DEPRESSING MYSELF NOW.
I would wish … to be the woman who can look beautiful naturally, live in the woods in a secluded cabin with a little vegetable garden, and not be afraid of bears or things from Friday the 13th movies.
I would wish … I had more down time. Completely alone time. Tending to other people’s needs and the demands of my job daily sometimes feel like an albatross around my neck.
PLEASE NO LETTERS FROM PETA ABOUT ABUSING OUR FRIEND, THE ALBATROSS.
I would wish … that when my children were growing up I would have give them more license to stumble on their paths and to learn through the experience, right or wrong, versus my attempts to mold them into who The Children I Thought They Should Be. Because really, who likes mold-y children anyway?
I would wish … that I loved myself more, sooner in my life and not wasted so much time in Years of Doubt About The Worth of Lisa. I am not perfect. But I am uniquely me.
And finally, I wish that I had better math skills to know that I am way over my three wish limit.